How to Build Confidence

To Build Confidence, You Must Destroy Fear

Destroy Fear, build self confidenceOnly when you trust your abilities and believe in yourself can you overcome your fears, build confidence and leap into whatever it is that your heart is calling you to do.

Here’s a poem from an author Mary Anne Radmacher that I feel represents this point very well:

“The jump is so very frightening between where I am, and where I want to be…

because of all I may become, I will close my eyes and leap!”

I know – trusting yourself is easier said than done, but that’s how we build confidence. Just like Columbus and Martin Luther King Jr., however, you must learn to put your fears aside and pursue what it is that you want to accomplish.

Here are some specific ways I’ve found to reduce or eliminate fear. I call this my:

Fear Destruction Process

  • Understand that you only live on earth one time. Thus, you must make every moment count.
  • Study the true risk of the situation at hand. How much fear is legitimate and how much is a matter of your own mind?
  • Ask yourself: “If I don’t do this, will it haunt me for the rest of my life?” Regret is one of the most disappointing and disheartening human emotions.
  • Ask yourself: ” Is there something that I fear that must be overcome if I am to reach my goals?” Often, focusing on what we can obtain, such as goals, helps us reduce fear.
  • Ask yourself: “Could the task at hand get me killed?” I know this sounds extreme, but it helps put things in perspective.

Destroying one of my fears

Now I’m going to share an example in my life which I had to overcome fear to really break through a barrier to accomplish a family related goal:

I built self confidence jumping from a cliff in HawaiiMy family travels to Maui every February and we stay at Kaanapali Beach. At the far north end of the Kaanapali Beach, there is a huge rock and cliff formation that protrudes out into the ocean about a quarter of a mile.

This area is also one of the best snorkeling spots in all of Maui, if not all of Hawaii.

The cliff is called “Black Rock,” and many of the local kids jump or dive off this 40-foot cliff for fun.

Well, after watching this for several days, my son Sam, who was nine at the time, decided that he and his father (that’s me) were going to jump off this cliff into the ocean below.

Later that day, Sam was overheard telling some other kids at the pool what we were going to do. Well, to say the least, I hate jumping from high places, regardless of how deep the water is.

At this point, I realized that I had never shared with my son the story of another time in my life when I was 12 years old.

I found myself along with a friend, at the edge of a 1,000 ft. cliff on Mount Washington. The ledge we were traversing on was only 12 inches wide and I was scared to death since I could have easily fallen and lost my life.

It was then I decided that never again in my life would I ever find myself positioned at the top of a cliff – regardless of the circumstances.

What should I do?

Being presented with both the challenge of jumping off this cliff in Maui and my son’s questioning my manliness, I found myself evaluating this potential jump from every angle:

  • I realized you only live once.
  • I studied the risk involved.Heros have self confidence
  • “If I don’t do this, what will my son think of me?” He’d think I was a wimp – I wanted to be his hero!
  • One of my life goals was to be adventurous.
  • I concluded that if I jumped out as far as I could, then I would certainly miss the side of the cliff, land in the water and live.

With this due diligence behind me, my son and I both jumped off Black Rock. In fact we did it twice. It was quite a rush, my son thinks I am a hero and we share this incredible memory together.

What cliffs do you face in your life that you must jump from, to get from where you are now, to where you want to go?

This excerpt on how to build confidence and destroy fear is taken from my book “Creating Your Own Destiny”.

If you are an event or meeting planner, this is one of the many topics I can speak on, or I will be happy to customize the topic to relate to the needs and interests of the audience I will be speaking to.

Please contact meĀ  the next time you need an Opening Speaker or a Keynote Speaker.

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